So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
