dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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