Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
