Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
