My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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