why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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