you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it's like heaven, but drunker
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
