My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm both gender and math confused
You left your phone here
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