Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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