If that was your dad, he is hot
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
