I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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