She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You made out with two different species that night
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
