So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
