You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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