I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
