I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
