My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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