I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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