Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
