I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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