and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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