Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
