some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
