Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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