just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
