Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
