It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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