Apparently you make a good broom.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
