3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
