we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
