my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
