I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
