went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
