he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
