So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
