what day is it and did you see me today?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
