I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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