god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
