Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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