A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
