I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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