i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
