If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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