guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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