so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
