i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
