wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
