she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
