Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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