I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
