I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
